Shame, Shame, Shame Sherbow Company/Sherbowtime

A reader sent me this Ebay listing to name and shame, and it presents a great opportunity for collectors to see a watch that truly does illustrate the definitive description of a Frankenwatch Constellation.

Go to eBay and pull up this listing: 230031179062 and print out a large pic of the dial for starters.

What do you think is wrong with the watch? And amongst all of the hyperbole in the description, ask yourself if there is any information that accurately discloses what the watch really is.

THE "MINT CONSTELLATION DIAL"

Was my education so badly neglected that I've grown up with a completely erroneous understanding of the word mint?

• There may/may not be a real Constellation dial underneath, or one that has been made up by aggregating various dial bits. But, the painting of the dial looks as though it has been done in a sheltered workshop of foot painters who perhaps thought they'd try their hands (pardon the pun and lack of political correctness) at something other than Christmas cards! It's appalling. Not only is the paint poorly applied, but the combination of colours is enough to make even the toughest stomachs retch involuntarily! The edges where the two colours meet are all over the place. Omega never had the bad taste or pure gaul to colour Constellation dials in such gauche combinations: the dial screams inauthenticity.
  

• Now take a look at the script: the foot painters have been at it again, demonstrating just how difficult it is to hold a brush between one's big and second toe. The "Constellation" script is about as amateur as you can get. And, jeez, they forgot to dot the "i".
  

• The date surround looks suspect, although that may just be the angle of the pictures. Constellation date surrounds have multiple bevelled edges and this one doesn't gel with me.

• The hands are wrong. The hour hand looks right but the minute hand is a ring-in. Notice that the hour hand has black inlay whereas the minute hand does not. These types of mixed marriages just never work out, particularly when the tall strapping minute hand intimidates the diminutive hour hand and makes it look as though it was stunted at birth. The minute hand is too long even for convex (the dial is not a 12 sided piepan) Constellation dials.

• The footpainters let their young apprentices complete the cross-hair on the watch and it is out of whack with the Connie star. Real Constellation cross hairs intersect exactly in the middle of the star pointing to twelve o'clock.

• The hour markers have me worried, because although similar markers grace Constellations, the bevels do not look as fine as those Ive seen on authentic Connies. The dial, if one can hallucinate to the extreme and overlook its decoration, looks uncannily like a Seamaster dial of the same vintage.

THE CASE

• The case and watch hadn't met one another until recently. That is for absolute certain, because while the case was manufactured in 1961, the movement was manufactured in 1969 - the horological equivalent of carnal knowledge! We cant be sure that the case is fake though and this 14393 61 SC may/may not be one of the genuine ones.
  

• The most plausible explanation is that the movement was sitting around waiting for a case to match it, or vice versa, and lo!, 14393 61 SC just came along.  The fact is that movement and case were never made for each other - divorce is the best option.
  

• The crown on this watch is wrong too. It should have a ten-sided crown.
  

THE MOVEMENT

• The seller is either stupid or a smartarse aiming to sell this watch to a neophyte collector who doesnt know his/her calibres. The movement is a calibre 565, never found in Constellations, but found often under the bonnets of Seamasters and Geneves.

• The movement is not a chronometer, even though claimed on the dial. One way to ascertain if the movement is a chronometer is examining the rotor bridge. You will notice on this watch the words "24 Jewels" are stamped. On a genuine Constellation, you will see the words “Adjusted to (5) positions and temperatures” as well as the jewel count. One caveat about identifying a Constellation using this method is that you must be certain that the movement hasn't simply had a rotor bridge change.
  

• The serial number, once again shown by Sherbowtime either stupidly or smartarsedly, is in the 30 million range indicating the movement was manufactured in 1969. We do indeed have an instance of a younger movement being seduced by a much older case.
  

THE SELLER

• Sherbowtime has sold over two hundred items over the past year without attracting negative feedback. So, what does that say about the seller? Well it basically says that out of the 200-odd tranactions no-one was motivated to complain and probably a great many were satisfied with what they purchased.

• If sherbowtime was selling sneakers and I was in the market for sneakers, then I would place a lot of emphasis on the seller's feedback. But with vintage watches on eBay, feedback should not be the main criterion, but one of a number of criteria one uses to determine whether to deal with a particular seller who is auctioning a particular watch. With vintage watches, however, many, many buyers don't know what they don't know and end up landing themselves a lemon.

• Criterion number one with on-line auctions of vintage watches is that a seller is only as reliable and genuine as the watch they list today! Because vintage watch rip-offs are so rife, a potential bidder needs to examine thoroughly both the watch and the seller's description to evaluate how reliable and honest the seller is with the specific watch listed.
  

• Because Sherbowtime has sold a lot of watches, one would expect that the seller knows a fair bit about watches. If that is the case, then it is reasonable to state that Sherbowtime may have well known when it listed the Frankenwatch under discussion that it was indeed inauthentic and Franken to the max!
  

So let's do some analysis of the Sherbowtime rhetoric to see if it matches with what it should have known was a watch that is worth much more as parts that it is as a complete item. Here we go!

"The SherBow Company is immensely proud to offer this absolutely dazzling Man’s Automatic 24 Jewel Vintage Omega Constellation, constructed with breathtaking beauty in 1970."

Oh, I thought it was constructed with metal parts and a plastic crystal???? OK Sherbowtime may speak English as a second language, but the intent of the description is clear to see: we are being invited to believe that this dog is the real thing. Of course only the movement (possibly the train bridge?) was constructed in 1969/1970.

"Recently Serviced and Running Strong, this awesome timepiece boasts a stunning Two Tone Black and Silver Pie Pan Dial, in excellent condition with sparkling raised golden hour markers that shimmer with the least amount of light."

Such flowering prose, such careless use of adjectives to describe a badly restored dial - I'm bedazzled!! It must be all that shimmering.

"And along with the glistening raised Omega name and logo, the golden-bordered date window, as well as the stunning Constellation “star”, this entire remarkable vision explodes brilliantly through the Tall and Thick Mint Crystal."

Stop it! Pleeeeaaaase! I'm just about to explode brilliantly by having an eye-gasm.

"The Stainless Steel case, in excellent condition after 36 years of life, is beautifully constructed. The Long and Solid Lugs angle sharply in and downward, and will sparkle with every turn of your wrist. "

Yes, just keep looking at those long and solid lugs folks, because it will divert your aattention away from the shitty, unprofessionally restored dial, wrong hands, and wrong movement. By the way, with all this shimmering, glistening, sparkling and exploding - you don't do a drag act in your spare time by any chance do you sherbowtime?

"The Stainless Steel screw down back, also in excellent condition, boasts a hidden treat reserved solely for the owner of this indisputable beauty: The famous image of the Constellation Observatory rising beneath a star-strewn sky, with all eight stars still clearly visible, set in gorgeous 14 Karat Solid Gold!"

Yeah, yeah, I'm distracted enough already! I'll show you my decal if you show me your decal, uhumph. And I'm still thinking about you miming "I am what I am"

"In addition, this exquisite timepiece would be incomplete without this stitched, lined and padded Brand New Swiss Imported Genuine Leather Band"

The need to refer to the stitching is a Freudian slip, as the seller realises what a great stitch-up this deal would be to the winning bidder.

"Measuring a large 41.9 mm from lug tip to lug tip by 34 mm in diameter without the crown, this treasure of Omega design possesses the Recently Serviced 24 Jewel Caliber #565 Automatic Wind Movement that is running strong and keeping good time. In addition, this brilliant timepiece boasts the Quickset Date feature whereby the date is quickly advanced by pulling the stem in and out."

I think somebody else has been pulling his stem in and out if they believe for one moment that anyone but a neophyte would fall for this overblown, purple drivel.

"Quad signed on the case, the dial, the crown and movement, this timepiece will be the “star” of your watch collection!"

I'm not going to be politically incorrect thrice in this post by asking how could a quad sign the case when everyone knows that quads can only move their heads!

But Star? Star, only in the sense that it would star alongside this brazen Doctor Frankenwatch in a Hall of Infamy, amongst other stars who think that purple prose and disclosure of some details (movement number and case number) will get them off any claims of misrepresentation.

The main point here is that the information that woulld allow inexperienced buyers to make a proper judgement on the watch is missing - deliberately so?

"The SherBow Company is committed to exceeding our customers expectations."

Yeah, whatever!!!!! Exceed is a good word to describe your listing: an excess of hyperbole, an excess of glimmer and shimmer, all underpinned by an excess of confidence that people wont call sherbowtime out on its patent lack of probity.

Shame, shame, shame Sherbowtime